I met a handsome chap on OkCupid a few weeks ago. First night, BOOM, SEX. Good Sex. All over the house. All over his friend’s house, if you want to be all correct about it. He was house sitting, okay? ALL OVER.
On the next date, he offered to cook me dinner in his apartment. Super nice offer, especially so early on, but I was worried he might try to cornerstone this into a “sex-only” thing. I mean, yes, we fucked all night the first night I met him. But I am more than that. Can’t you see?
He makes me a lovely dinner in his lovely apartment. After sex, he immediately stops touching me and did a full roll-over. No cuddling, no touching of any kind. Not even an acknowledgement that I’m in his damn bed. I get up, put on my pants to get the FUCK out of there, and then he freaks out: “What’s wrong? Where are you going? Did I do something wrong?”
I tell him things didn’t feel right. We have awkward texts for the next 24 hours. He’s somewhat defensive, but seems to want me back.
I realize that the sex is hot, so I accept it for what it is: sex. We plan a third date, a sex date. Yes, a full on sex date. The day of, I text him to see what he has in mind. He offers to make “something” out of leftovers for me. He said that he had meatloaf, and could combine it with potatoes au gratin to make a burger.
YOU WANT TO FEED ME FUCKING LEFTOVER MEATLOAF? ON OUR THIRD DATE? ON A SEX DATE?! I just want all men, and women, to know that you should NEVER offer a potential partner leftover meatloaf. Like, don’t. Maybe if you’re married and meatloaf is the jam, fine. But when you are single and active in the dating scene, don’t offer to make “something” out of leftover meatloaf. It’s disgusting. Do you want to fuck meatloaf mouth? Do you want to hit that meatloaf pussy? Do you want to ride that meatloaf dick? No.
So how did I respond? Short and sweet: “Meatloaf and I have not gotten along since childhood.” True story. That’s the realness.